i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
