My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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