I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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