pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
