I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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