I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize