Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
