Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
