i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
