First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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