What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
