You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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