I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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