Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
