dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Damn victory sex feels great
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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