xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize