I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
