I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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