I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Vodka?
Forever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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