she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
