so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
