the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
