I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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