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i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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