Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
