Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
