Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
