i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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