Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
