i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
