He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
