What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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