We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
