When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
