I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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