God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just gargled with NyQuil
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
