That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
