theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
