and she was petting her beer can
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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