Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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