Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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