I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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