You made me cry and you don't even care
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
