You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
