he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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