my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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