I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
