my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
