I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
