Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
