i think my tv is drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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