i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
