Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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