I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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