college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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