you would pick up someone in the library
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
