he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How external is "for external use only"?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
