I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
