Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
