is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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