There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
