I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
